Aug312010

One man’s trash…

By admin | August 31, 2010 | Posted in Absurd, Culture, Pop-web | Tagged , , | Comments (0)

Sometimes you’ll find that a car just isn’t enough, or that a lorry is overkill. Infact – for a lot of our travel, delivery and leisure needs a van is all that will do. The market is constantly changing to suit the needs of the industry and the work-a-day van driver. Van hire becomes more and more competitive as time passes, and designs are becoming more and more abstract.

There are those that enjoy putting spiky things on their chassis and lights all over the place so that they look like two tonne, steel creatures of the deep sea. There are others who are content with graffiti denouncing the passion of the owner, super heroes, cartoon characters… artists, musicians, landmarks… The list goes on. The most interesting versions in my mind are the ones evolved of a certain need. Putting money aside and getting down to the really gritty facts we have always found a way of making our best-lumbering-pals work for our specific needs.

At one end of the scale you can see classic bodgeries befitting of a scrapyard prince. The type of vehicle that will clang to a halt and clunk its very last gear change just as the job is done.

Now I don’t know anything of the particular history of this van but it looks to have been lovingly crafted to make ends meet. One man’s ingenuity has not only provided a safe shelter (which could be used for much more than transport at a pinch) but ideas for those at the top of the food-chain.

This sleek looking extendo-mobile is a concept design for a van with a bit more to give.

“Described as a mobile office and van in one unique package, funky features in the NV200 include a sliding cargo ‘pod’ extends to reveal an IT workspace and living quarters, a fridge powered by a small generator housed within the van, and a two-man tent – accessed from outside vehicle- housed at the base of the B-pillar behind the driver’s door.”

What begins as a means to an end will step forward as another great design for our pioneering slant on technology in technology. When push comes to shove, though, you have to make a decision: would you prefer to scale the sheer face of bankruptcy to flash the bling of what began as a Japanese Swiss-army-knife on wheels , or to swallow your pride and weld the best of your local scrappy to your trusty ruster? Van rental is the get out clause and probably the more sensible option. Besides.. if you’ve got the money to buy this snazzy van when it hits the shelves or enough time to weld one van to another, surely you’ve got the resources to design the next idea to go global?!

Get out there and show the world your bodgeries, maybe one day they’ll end up on the table of a major designer.

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Aug182010

Governmental Responsibility

By admin | August 18, 2010 | Posted in Absurd, Advice, Culture, news | Comments (0)

The government has once again vested interest in the world at large. Leave it to the Clegg Cameron Coalition to take care of the details of our Earth.

What is it this week then? Global warming? The war in Iraq? The BP issue? That crazy mad-head geezer who was killing people and running away? Pakistan’s current predicament? The recession? Poverty?

Well it seems as though it’s not quite as important as all of that. The world will look after itself to make way for the GREAT DEBATE. Ladies and gentlemen.. here is the dirt.

The development of Government iPhone apps has been halted after it was revealed the previous administration spent tens of thousands of pounds creating individual apps.

The Department for Work and Pensions spent £32,755 for a job search app that has been downloaded 50,000 times on the iPhone, while a still unfinished DVLA app was expected to cost £40,000, according to a BBC investigation.

That’s right everybody! iPhones! i-bloody-Phones!

The government is covering all bases with iPhone apps for your health (that’s right folks, for just 7p you can have your very own NHS drinks tracker!) and more widgets than you could wave a stylus at (not that you would.. a stylus?!!!). I’m enjoying the fact that our two golden boys are keeping their ear to the ground and giving the public what it wants. Seems a shame that the ground they’re stuck too is just outside an Apple store, maybe it’s time we started having a bit more power in our voting than “the red ones or the blue ones”.

I’d like to propose a program that allows us to see the government as a series of financial investments instead of a leech on our funds. If I saw something being visibly done I’m sure I’d feel at peace with that #hashtag of the beast. TAX. Of course this proposition is nothing more than a whimsical pipe-dream for which I intend to do absolutely nothing. Perhaps this is among the problems we have as a nation.

None-the-less. I think we should have a version of shared savings accounts with the MPs and their expenditures. We don’t mind if they spend over budget, as long as they’re going to be there to get us a round when we’ve done the same.

/rant

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Aug162010

End Of The Month

By admin | August 16, 2010 | Posted in Absurd, Culture, Pop-web | Tagged , , , | Comments (0)

Birthday? Halloween? Rainy day?

It doesn’t take me long to justify spending money on ridiculous things. I find that I live like a lord for the first half of the month only to scrimp and scrape around for the tail-end. This is the sort of behaviour that should worry any self-concerned adult, but I know I’m not alone. I see most of my peers picking up their ‘luxury’ items on impulse a day or two after pay day.

With a little consideration you’d be able to keep my finances in check, you might say… and you’d be correct. I offer you most humble thanks for sharing this key advice, and I hope in all sincerity that you wont take my rejection of such to heart.

You see: I am a small fish in a big pond. I am one of the less significant numbers in a ticket reel as long as the country. When I can I’ll throw £200 or so at a new gadget and spend a few days picking up new t-shirts and footy stuff. The consumer beast can only be kept at bay for a few days at a time before it gets the better of me (when I make to get the weekly groceries without a list or find myself in a sports outlet with any amount of time to kill). I strain to think of the sabre-toothed man-bear-pigs that some of the high-flyers have to deal with when I buckle in the face of my personal pint-sized payday fluff-ball.

At least, in our time of dark recession, there are facilities to cater for those with must-be-spent cash.

“Hairdressers & Salons of the Stars” could be a good start. The second advert on the home page proudly states that Bill Clinton took a trim for $200. It’s looking pretty difficult to find a “normal” barber because they’re just not on the internet. Small time family businesses make money from footfall off the street, and I can tell you from experience that a haircut of Bill Clinton’s calibre would be little more than £10 in any self respecting barber shop.

StarCarHire.co.uk is the kind of dealership you might be looking for if you’ve got a swanky drive planned or you’re in need of some funky vans… or maybe just because you can. I’m not sure how recently updated this website is (or the Salon one, looking at it now), but the Ghostbusters car is flaunted as their most recent addition! Get in there and you could be ectoplasm’ing along the board-walk to an orange sky before the bank closes. Comparing that to a reasonable, practical van hire service you can see that you’ll probably be able to get the job done without earning your pay packet through Alex Ferguson or Alan Sugar.

So for the time being folks.. we’ll stick to buying our reasonably priced frivolities, eh?

I’ll be leaving the diamond encrusted £20,000 football boots to the rich and famous.

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Aug092010

A word on students

By admin | August 9, 2010 | Posted in Advice, Pop-web | Tagged , , , | Comments (0)

Particularly those who are about to embark on their first university experience.

Having once been a student I like to think of myself as a member of that well known catchment of people who “had the best time of their life and winged about it ever since”. It’s a very sad day when university comes to and end. You quickly come to realise that friends you’ve lived with for three years have managed to subtly drill a hole through your stomach – as soon as everyone dissipates that hole is revealed and there’s a very strange feeling that follows.

It’s not just friends that are affected – any relationship you’ve had is about to change – think about how much more open minded you are now, how you have the opportunity to compare yourself with a previous version of yourself (before and after uni) for the first time. I know that when I was 18 I couldn’t really compare myself to my 14 year old self because our ideals were so different. If I had a turtles hat, some marbles and a couple of hours before I had to go home for dinner – I was chuffed. How things change.

You talk to your parents with a change of tone, sometimes good, sometimes bad. If you’ve made a partner it could well be that this is the point in time where the relationship is made or broken. Your friends from home will have picked up their own change in social outlook and you’ll now have to mash all of your colloquialisms and banter together in one big heap. For better or worse university is a changing process, and you will be hard pushed to leave as the same person you arrived.

If you’ve read these words and believe what I say to be true, even if you expect I’m just trawling through things that everyone has said about uni in the past, at least hear me out with some good practical advice on the first couple of weeks.

  • The Three Questions.

When you first arrive at university everyone will be asking the same three questions. Who are you, where are you from and what course are you studying? I know people who pitched up on their first day with the answers to all three printed on a t-shirt – they were the few who still had a voice by the end of freshers week – and everyone knew who they were in a matter of hours. If you’ve got no spare banter in terms of breaking the ice then don’t worry – these three have been classics for years and years, so you wont go too far wrong. Now that you know maybe you can think of a way to make it more interesting?

  • The First Point of Contention

90% (or what feels like 90%) of your peers will be receiving student loans to cover the tuition fees and accommodation. You’ll find that people instantly begin dissecting the bank they’ve chosen and the amount of overdraft they can get away with using. At the start of uni having a large overdraft seems like a great idea. At the end it’s a total nightmare, but you’ll have saved a lot of skin in the meantime (your own or others). This is something that requires some real research. I was one of the masses who wandered into a bank and signed everything as quickly as possible to get going with it – if you can spare a bit of time to tailor one around your personality (how likely it is you’ll be jet-setting or needing a quickfire £500) and your support (how likely it is your parents will cough up for said activities).

You can visit the current accounts of a bank website to see how the whole picture will look (remember you WILL cease to be a student at some point (no matter how impossible that is to comprehend right now). If you’re one of the golden few you could look into savings accounts as well – working through uni is a great way to meet new people and make the future look a little easier.

  • Adopting the Position

It wasn’t until my third year that I realised how many times I’d been sat on the ground. In a circle. Students have a wonderful capacity to find another in a pile and begin forming a large ring so that everyone can be seen/heard. The tendency to sit on the floor follows directly along with the laziness factor. If you’re in a circle it’s only a matter of time before you’re joined by others and ushered to sit down on the ground. Learn this quickly. The more comfortably you can place yourself on a hard surface the better adapted you’ll be at conversing as a student. Of course you wouldn’t be frowned uopn for spending the entire time on your feet. Frisby, football, hacky sack..

  • The Final Question

You may well bump into a group of people you quickly consider to be among the coolest on the planet when you first arrive. It’s more than likely that these people will be your bounce pad as you all start to learn how to act around such a criss-cross of cultures, which in turn means you’ll probably annoy one another to the point of calling it a day and looking for new friends. I know this is one of the most said things when it comes to university, but it’s so very true. The people you meet there will end up being the best friends you ever make. The people you meet in the first couple of weeks will MORE OFTEN THAN NOT end up as strangers after a month or so. Don’t cling, don’t get needy, and don’t take it personally if/when people move on.

The nature of the university beast is to find yourself. Plan well before you go, but don’t try to structure your time.

Everything happens for a reason. If you’re poor by the end of university it’s more than likely that both your brain and your facebook profile will be full of memories, quotes and pipedreams.

Bliss.

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Aug022010

I am driving in my car

By admin | August 2, 2010 | Posted in Absurd, Culture, news | Tagged , | Comments (0)

I know that by the time I get to 50 I will be one of the more angry members of the public when I’m chugging along in my 2010 Golf  “retro”.. I spend most of the time that I’m behind a wheel letting my fellow drivers/pedestrians know how I’m feeling. This is largely due to my own poor time management and the unfaltering hope that one day I’ll be able to drive as fast as I can possible muster to get to work on time. No traffic constraints, no need to fill up the petrol, no laws. Of course there is only a certain amount that swearing will do. The rest will happen in time.

With global warming and carbon footprints trending over the past few years you’d expect the cars to be the first things that would need to be re-hashed. Of course many of the large companies have started to release entire ranges of eco friendly (or eco friendlier depending on how you look at it) and there are electricity recharge points popping up all over the country, but this isn’t the most pressing concern about our roads at large.

I am at the peak of my game with driving. I always have been. It’s true when people say that you dont learn how to drive until after your test, but it’s also true that you ALWAYS think you’re a LOT better at driving than you are. Every year or two I’ll look back at myself and ask a million questions.. without doubting for a second that I am the best I’ll ever be. Assuming that cars haven’t been decomissioned entirely in the next 30 years this sort of problem may require some attention.

Nearly half of Britain’s 33.5 million motorists are so incompetent they could not pass a driving test.

An investigation suggests that 15 million motorists have picked up so many bad habits that they fall woefully below test standard and are an accident risk.

This is exactly the sort of statistic I thrive on when I’m excusing myself for ranting hopelessly at the back end of a slow moving MG ZR in sky blue, but it does so much more than clear my name in times of need.

What Car? supplied this information indirectly through a story in the mirror which iuncludes the suggestion from “Brake” that we should be compelled to take mandatory tests to “refresh” over the years. I’m happy for this to be the case if it drivers find themselves struggling on the road, but unless I suddenly forget how to accelerate in some moment of ultra-clarity or other such farty means I won’t be needing such a test.

It worries me particularly when you come to think about car hire. One of the key factors in renting a car is that you’ve been driving for at least 3 years (this isn’t necessarily the case, but it’s a fairly universal expectancy), and in terms of this reports it seems that we get worse the further away from the test we get.

Are we looking at a bit more health & safety overkill, or is it reasonable to ask someone to take a test and prove they can drive just before taking a car rental? It seems perfectly sane to me, but then again – I’m fairly sure I wouldn’t fail.

Paul Atkinson of What Car? said: “It’s evident that driving skills learned are easily forgotten once the practical test is passed.”

Ideal.

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Jul262010

Van Hire/Leasing

By admin | July 26, 2010 | Posted in Advice, Pop-web | Tagged , | Comments (0)

When it comes to vans, I was asked recently, would I prefer to rent or lease? As (I would like to think) many people would’ve done I stared blankly back at my interviewer. He’d stopped me on the street and asked me a question I didn’t wholly understand.

“There’s a discrepancy” I was told, despite my inner monologue reminding me that I’ve often thought of leasing as another wasted word in the world that means exactly the same thing as another: renting. As it turns out I’m ever so slightly cynical about the English language and these two different words do mean ever so slightly different things. Leasing is “borrowing” and renting is “using for a limited period of time”.

Essentially with a rent you’re expected to pay for what it is that you want for as long as you want it, then you relinquish whatever it was you were borrowing/using and that’s the end of that chapter. If I want a van rental I can get a downpayment (and a deposit, more than  likely) paid, drive for however long we’d previously agreed and return it no questions asked. That’s a sucessfully rented vehicle.

When it comes to leasing you’re getting into the gray areas of commitment. Once you’ve agreed a suitable arrangement in terms of money/product you begin your lonely journey along a solitary path of direct debits and standing orders. Essentially, if you’re leasing you are doing exactly the same thing as renting but it lasts for longer and usually has an expiry date. If you’ve planned to have a certain income for a certain amount of time and it doesn’t come off you could find yourself in a bit of a sudden downward spiral.

You may be able to tell from the tone of my writing that I lean ever so slightly towards rental. Towards the hit and run, one time only, get in, get out, no strings type action, that’s where I’m edging.

Are there any real pros and cons aside from my witless jabber?

It’s as simple as understanding the simple outline of a simple discrepancy in all its simplicity.

A lease is a contract that means you will have a rental for X amount of time, which you may not cancel within X amount of time.

Renting is a contract that means you will have a rental for Y amount of time, which you may renew in order to eventually achieve X amount of time.

You can cancel a rental, you cannot untie a lease.. so this whole post is a bit of a non-debate really. If you would like something in the short term and you’re not happy to commit to looking after/paying for it then you should rent. Otherwise (assuming that if you’re in this category you’re quite happy with whatever it is you’re borrowing and you have a structured plan for the entirety of its rental) you should get a lease.. more than likely it will be considerably cheaper.

So there you have it – there is no real competition because it comes down to context. Lease a flat. Rent a van. I’m sure I wouldn’t be alone in not bothering to use a fishing rod if the cod are in a barrel amirite?

Source (for more info).

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Jul122010

Cyprus kicks off

By admin | July 12, 2010 | Posted in Absurd, Culture, Rumour, news | Tagged , , , | Comments (0)

Welcome back to the year-round island.

Even if you’ve been here before, there’s always a new world to discover. Cyprus lies at the crossroads of three continents, where East meets West and a new experience awaits for you under the sun every day. Where Championship Golf courses, inviting beaches, and breathtaking mountain trails lie around
luxurious hotels. Enjoy the island’s beauty once more.

-visitcyprus.com

Ahh Cyprus. The quintessential max and relax. I remember in school if someone had been on holiday for a while and came back with a tan they’d invariably been to Spain or Cyprus. There are many reasons why we English folk would love the Mediterranean island, not least the opportunity to finally read “that book” by the side of a pool in an English-speaking hotel. Classic.

Seems that if you’d been out there recently, however, you may have found yourself in for a bit of a shock.

First things first – Cypriots dont like Turkey as a rule. They invaded in 1974, and there’s been a grudge ever since. In 1983 the administrative sector of the North tried to declare independence for the “Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus” at which point Britain started the alarm bells ringing and the UN met to poo-poo the claim. You can imagine this got to the locals a little more.

So here we are on the edge of an “anniversary” and The Cyprus Action Network of America (CANA) are planning a demonstration.

“For 36 years Greek-Cypriots suffer an ongoing Holocaust of our culture, heritage and people. Turkey’s crimes include the rape of 800 Greek-Cypriot women, the murder of thousands of Greek-Cypriots, the theft of half of the Greek-Cypriot peoples homeland, the forcible displacement of hundreds of thousands, and the ongoing illegal occupation of a culture, a sovereign territory a homeland,” the CANA said.

“Our protest sends the strong message around the world that, no matter how hard the Turkish murderers, rapists, thieves, invaders, occupiers and their allies try to sell us their Turkish racist bizonal, bicommunal plans: we will never forgive, we will never forget the perpetrators of the Holocaust of the Greek-Cypriot people.”

Seems to me that this is exactly the sort of thing you’d be best off not getting involved with. This protest is taking place inline with the anniversary which falls somewhere between the 20th and 30th July. Well: it turns out that Jennifer Lopez is finding her 41st year on the 24th July, and she’s already made her plan to perform in a massive Hotel/Casino known as “The Cratos Premium Hotel and Casino Complex”. This place doesn’t seem to have an official website but I can tell you now that it is in Cyprus.

Just as J-Lo finds out and decides it would probably be a bad idea to support the unfair invasion of a small country she drops out to the return fire of a law suit worth $40,000,000. For not doing a gig! On her Birthday!

According to reports, the hotel owner has offered to halt the lawsuit if Jennifer changes her mind and performs as scheduled.

Meanwhile a chap known only as “Christopher Metsos” has managed to completely dissapear from the island with authorities giving chase using the combination of a fake passp0rt and $33,000 to pay his own bail. There are few leads and most of the information they have seems to be superficial at best: “he had a wry sense of humor” for example. They’re guessing that his only option is to end up in Russia, my bet is that he had more ID on him which he’d have used for car rental. Cyprus doesn’t seem like it would have any more advanced techniques in policing than the US, and this snippet says the rest.

He studied for a semester in 1994 at Norwich University in Northfield, Vermont, apparently giving them a false address and false phone number from Bogota.

If you can blag studying for a whole semester, I’m sure you could get your hands on discreet car hire, legal or otherwise. If you’re interested there’s a full report here.

So the country is at war, J Lo’s being taken for a runaround, Mr Metsos is still on the run and the US tipped off about a ship containing guns and such. Sorry.. I didn’t mention that last one? Cyprus detains “Sudan-bound arms ship” is the headline. Story here.

SOMEHOW, though – we English keep on going. There’s something about “Cyprus” that sounds good to us when we’re sharing stories with our friends. If you’re interested in getting out there’s still time to see J Lo turn 41! Because we’re not pulling in too much money this year we seem to have turned our back on Spain as a destination – Cyprus reigns supreme in terms of locals, food, weather and cost at the expense of a few glitzy headlines.

Who’d want to be in Spain anytime soon, anyway?

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Jul092010

Speed Vans

By admin | July 9, 2010 | Posted in Absurd, Advice, Culture | Tagged , | Comments (0)

“Swinton Commercial Warns Van Drivers to Check Speed Limits as Figures Reveal GBP 65 Million in Penalty Fines” was the headline that greeted when I had a scan through http://www.sys-con.com this morning.

What the article is essentially saying is that getting fined for a speeding ticket has been made even easier for it’s adoring public. We lucky few have the opportunity of driving along a particular area of road and spending hard earned wages because the rules have not been outlined.

According to the Department for Transport, the speed limits depend on the type of van. A car derived van which is classed as a goods vehicle developed from a passenger vehicle, with a maximum authorised mass of no more than 2,000kg can travel at the same national speed limit as a car: up to 60mph on a single carriageway and up to 70mph on a dual carriageway. Vehicles which are outside of this classification are restricted to speeds of up to 50mph on a single carriageway and up to 60mph on a dual carriageway.

If you own a vehicle I suppose it’s down to you to determine the exact weight (shocker for me – I never consider weight when I’m looking for a vehicle/thinking about my own)  and plan for relevant restrictions. At which point this weight might be checked during the speeding fine is beyond me, but let’s just take it as read that they’re assuming you’re legal. “Authorised mass” just about covers you for that.

The problems start to arise when you’re considering van rental. Every time I’ve had to get a bigger vehicle it’s been a quick in-out job where I’ve had to shift some furniture or something similar. The first point of contention is that I’ve NEVER been told what “classification” the van I’ve borrowed is in. I’m sure if I were to push the right buttons and ask exactly the right questions I’d be told exactly what the chat was, but the nature of this information is a type guarded by governmental shadows. Tell me if you can see why.

“When it comes to vans, the speed limits become fairly complex depending on the classification of the vehicle.”

Following recent news that fixed penalty fines from speed cameras raise over GBP 65 million a year in revenue.

So the moral of the story is this: the government likes your pennies, and they’ll even try to scrape a few off the top of moving house. Play careful. When you’re arranging van hire try to ask as many questions about the vehicle and the regulations.

Oh, and DRIVE SLOWER.

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Jun292010

Fatty Vans!

By admin | June 29, 2010 | Posted in Absurd, Culture, Pop-web, news | Tagged , , | Comments (0)

This years Commonwealth games will be hosted in the vibrant capital city of India. It marks the second time the games have ever been held in Asia (with Kuala Lumpur being the first in 98) and looks to be a very well planned affair. It doesn’t kick off until 3rd October but it’s been in planning since 2003.

The official website boasts information of all kinds including several outreach programs like “Delhi United” and the “Culture Programme”. You can also follow the baton (the Queens baton – which “entered India through the Wagah Border amidst a spectacular ceremony on 25 June 2010″) but try not to confuse yourself with the colours of the world map. I personally spent a good 20 seconds or so with a slightly tilted head until I realised the green is the water, the purple the land. *facepalm*

There is a section on ‘Doping Control’ in which you can read the detailed rules of just how the athletes are being tested, which is interesting under the circumstances surrounding the Delhi police force.

Delhi Police, wary of presenting a horizontally challenged image of itself during the Commonwealth Games, has fired a ‘broad-side’ on personnel with waistline issues.


So it seems there’s been a crack down on the police force, but maybe the Doping Control wont stretch as far as there own front doorstep as they are charged with the task of looking as “fit” as possible. The report from Hindustan Times suggests that there will be 780 of these supercharged coppers in 260 vans for the tournament. Apparently there is no specific age requirement, the force has just called for all to look as trim as possible. I suppose there is only a certain amount of overweight policeman you can fit in a van. Hire of some of the best equipment is the plan: some extra GPS has been installed in all of the vans and the personnel are being taught English and “soft skills” to help where necessary.

The idea behind the big slim down is:

“If there is any contingency, these men should be fit enough to carry people and rush them to hospitals”

Seems fair enough to me.

In other news.. Previous aqcuisition plans from confectionary giant Dunkin’ Donuts have ground to a halt. Members of the management refused to comment on the reasoning.

Source.

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Jun282010

Moving House in London

By admin | June 28, 2010 | Posted in Advice, Culture | Tagged , , | Comments (3)

Moving house can be a bit of a pain. Moving house in our humble city centre can be a lot of a pain. Moving house in London without any friends in the area and no access to a removal company (that you can trust) can be damn near impossible. So what’s the craic?

First things first we’ll be looking at getting valuables stashed somewhere. Instead of trying to force all of your stuff through in one trip (in the car, on the tube.. however you’re planning on doing it) just start working on the least expensive. I know that it sounds simple but it’s something you’re not likely to think about until it’s too late: if you’re carrying a few bits and bobs (that, if you’re honest with yourself, you wouldn’t mind being stolen (hello Christmas presents)) you’re better off making a mistake with those rather than the heirlooms. If you’ve got to get out of the place quick smart this might not be an option for you, so just stick with the “away in one” plan.

When it comes to packing everything together in the van/car make sure you’ve got the most valuable stuff in your possession: front seat is a good idea, otherwise pack it in last so it’s the first thing you can grab at the other end. An important point to note here is the “I’ll remember that” factor: all too often have I packed up cardboard boxes to forget what I’ve filled them with. Label the outside as comprehensively as possible. You never know when you might need your nail clippers.


Secondly make sure you book van rental. You’re going to be looking for a reputed company, and if possible a cheap van hire. Talk to people in the local area, try to avoid “man with van” advertisements as they often end up being a “man with van & several unmarked cardboard boxes for sale”. Van hire London is especially dodgy because of its metropolis nature: you’d do well to see the same person twice in the city centre, let alone a chap who may well have made off with your prized shoe shrank.

Thirdly try to plan your entrance to the new property: there’s nothing more annoying than having to lock the van every time you go back to the house/flat with another armful of your stuff, and this is assuming you don’t have a buddy to a) sit by the van and watch over or b) help you move stuff and require the vehicle to be locked even more frequently. If you can plan a route and even keep your eye on the van you can get away with leaving the back doors open on to your entrance gap. Quick in/out is the key.

The key is simple, really: plan to make it as quick and easy as possible. I still have a certain amount of trust in the human race, but you’d do well to get a security plan together. Take a friend.

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